so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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