I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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