i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
