Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
