Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize