omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
