honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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