so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
