the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Edward fifth and chaser hands
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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