we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
