hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Pants are for mortals
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
