My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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