so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
