Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
