When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
