I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
