apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
