I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
