Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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