my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Rumble strips road head = magical
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize