At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
