My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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