He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
