So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
