She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
