Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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