you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
