You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
