Small penises have feelings too.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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