No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
