i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
