i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
