Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
birth control should be required to get into college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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