evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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