I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
