i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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