Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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