maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Panties = found
Randomize
