he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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