trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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