I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish you could order shots online.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
