i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
