oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
