so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
