I think my fart just growled at me.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
