God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
