The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
