I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
