I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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