haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
