You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
