Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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