I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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