The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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