the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
