I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
