I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
