How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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