Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
