I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
