hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Come see our sink grown plant.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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