You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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