I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
