jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
