i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize