so that wasnt chicken after all
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
