Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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