I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
