you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
