The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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