I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
