Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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