Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no, he came in my armpit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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