hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
