Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
