If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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