I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
