i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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