THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
