It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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