I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
