well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
