Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
