Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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