...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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