also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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