she smelled like a LAN party
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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