But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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