id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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