Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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