In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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