A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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