DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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