Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize