If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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