You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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