Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?

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(269): View more from Michigan

Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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(630): View more from Illinois

Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.

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(214): View more from Texas

Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch

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