so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
