yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
