i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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