That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
