He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
