Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
