me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
