I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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