Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize