My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
operation have a gay friend backfired
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
