She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
