Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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