This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
