You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
