I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
