you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
